Fasting - Cleansing my lower chakras

For the last 44 hours, I have been fasting on the theme of sexuality, power and survival.

These energies have been presenting themselves as energies that I need to work with and I will explain that in a bit…

Here is an excerpt from the book I am writing about fasting:

Experiencing a fast has been the closest thing to a psychedelic experience without intake.

There are several common things to happen during a fast.  Firstly, our desires for things to be different than they are come up.  We can clearly see that there is a deep drive to be having reality be doing something other than what is happening.  Of course, this can be translated into many other facets in life, and can lead to a deeper appreciation for personal bravery.

Secondly, because there is no intake, our body is not focused on distributing energy in the same way.  The energy is left entirely to its own devices, its own internal mechanisms for cleansing, organising and shaping what is already there.

Much like a psychedelic experience, sometimes we are faced with fears/guilt/issues that are coming up to be processed, and sometimes we are sent into ecstatic states of understanding.  Often times both, but it is important not to come into it with an expectation of either.

There are also different types of fasts.  Sometimes it is not only about not eating.  It can be about eating something in particular, or not eating something.  Not doing something we normally do: Sex, computers, tv, etc

It is important to be reasonable with ourselves.  It is easy to want to bite off more than we can chew.  Start with one day for whatever the experience is, and work your way up to more.  Of course, don’t listen to me, but trust yourself.  I have bitten off more than I could chew before, and doing a fast/retreat experience without wanting to  be there, though we can challenge these patterns, if we choose to just sit in resentment can be a waist of energy and/or leave a bad taste in our mouth for the possibilities/opportunities that these come with.

The “all or none” fascist mindset can be a remedy for repression rather than exploration.  Be careful, but also be daring!

So I stopped eating after suppertime on Wednsday evening and the on Thursday morning simply continued.

This is the third time I have done a non-eating fast.  But I have done two other dietary fasts before so I am getting used to the experience.

Thursday afternoon I went to a cabin for the evening and got back today (Friday) around 1:30pm

Because I am getting used to the experience, I was not craving food, or rather, I was settled in the experience I was having.  The feelings that come up and happen as the body gets used to no food intake is very unique.  There was lucidity, highs, lows, confusion, understanding, the whole gambit!

I drank a lot of water, and peed 25 times.  Because I was focused on my lower chakras, this is no surprise.  When going through a transformation, water can be one of the best energetic “transducers”.  As many people in the spiritual community know, water is a very malleable substance, and can aid or take away from whatever is necessary.

So I was peeing out what no longer worked, and taking in my new intention.

In Buddhist philosophy, when we go on spiritual journeys of any kind, there is the opportunity for the records of humanity, the earth, the cosmos, the animals, planets, etc that we explore and integrate into our awareness.

Well this one was pretty intense, I came face to face with a very violent, and sexually abusive part of myself.  Someone who would take advantage of another without remorse.

I knew that this was coming, simply because I have asked for a true upgrade of my sexuality to be in full line with my heart.

Whenever we ask for something, be assured that the steps will be taken.

Often times those steps are of A) Forgiving through the acceptance of seeing the energies, and B) Releasing/transforming through the sincere movement for a change to open up an aligned flow.

I am actually embarrassed to write about this, as I consider myself a kind person.  That very consideration however has the opportunity to stuff shadows even further into the dark, and keep the flow blocked.

So a part of my therapeutic experience is to share this, even though there is a part of me that wishes I didn’t see it to begin with!

I wrote out some very disturbing things, screamed at the top of my lungs, and allowed very aggressive and intrusive energies/thoughts/emotions to come up.

When doing this sort of thing (It is not always THIS dramatic) it is important to be in a safe space, and feel comfortable without being disturbed.

Today, after settling with myself, forgiving the energies coming up (This is easy for me in a lot of situations, but sexuality has always been a sticky point for me), and allowing the transformation, I am feeling much better.

Perhaps there is more work to do on this subject, but I feel lucky to be in supportive spaces within and without.

I do know that it is time to purify and integrate these energies into an alignment with my true nature.  And that there is no time like the present ;)


I go to an astrology website, and this is what she said about the evening I was fasting:

"tonight we have an opportunity to look at old stuff. don't let the trigger mislead you- what is coming up is most likely very ancient." - Amen.
Thanks for reading!

Vancouver Island

I have been on Vancouver Island for almost two months!

The theme here has been rebirth.

There are certain patterns that I was working with at home that I was having trouble dropping.  When I say patterns I mean thoughts, words, and emotions - familiar routines that appear to be a personality.

When these routines are beneficial they can be lovely, but the ones I have been working with are of poor self worth, self pity, fear of commitment, fear of creating, and subtle control patterns.

It has been a very intense month in particular, allowing these energies within myself to come up, and ask for, and work with transmutation.

I am blessed to be here on this lovely farm – It is almost creating a womb like experience…

I have done and learned a lot about landscaping – It is so amazing to be a part of a transformation of a piece of land.  In one day it looks completely different from when it started.  Every bit of landscaping is metaphoric to me of inner landscaping…

To do weeding and to pull out the roots is very similar to finding patterns within that do not fit.  To plant flowers and watch them grow is very similar to setting an intention and being with the flowering of the experience.  To re-condition the soil is to “loosen up” the ground for new growth.

Another metaphor is the tools that are used, the gloves that protect the hands…

It’s amazing to be in a place where I have these opportunities!

I have come face to face with certain patterns around relationships, with some help from Lauren.  I asked her to clearly state where there was imbalance in our relationship, and bravely and in truth I learned a lot about where I can change.  Just accepting the mirror of the words was enough to start many balls in motion, many new intentions.

One thing that I am actively releasing is a mentality where I seem to get very close, then a fear of intimacy comes in and I distance, very close, distance.  That is bound to be hard on anyone, let alone someone sharing such personal space.  I feel that the roots are in self worth.

Along the same lines are subtle patterns of control… what I mean by that is that it’s about my coming and going.  In particular during the last week I have really come face to face with a part of me that wishes to control that flow, and again, that is bound to be rough on anyone.

Inner work is a delicate job – But if we can be true to ourselves and also accept the truth that is being reflected by those who we trust, it is very possible to change in healthy ways!

I have noticed with friends how often I was subtly reaffirming my stories lately as well – This is something to begin changing now.  There is time for release and time for seeding.  And I feel that those two spaces in healthy balance create the manifestation.

I had a very interesting experience last night.

I have been cleansing my body from alcohol for over a year now.  And I have been cleansing my body from psychedelics and drugs for the two months.

As I cleanse, my sensitivities to thoughts and emotions increases, my intuition is clearer, and my communication with guiding forces is stronger.

I am not against substances at all – But more and more I am more comfortable in sobriety, and I am walking down this path more and more as I hold healing energies for myself and others.

Last night I decided to do some “intentional drinking” just out of curiosity.

Me and 2 friends sat down and drank quite a bit of absinth.

There is always a level of honesty that comes with drinking that is a little bit different than sobriety, although I made it a goal a long time ago to drop that as a truth, and learned to speak whenever it felt right.

The same goes for dancing.

It was quite nice to sit around and have that experience – I even purged a little.

The intention going in was to continue shedding what is not necessary for my growth and those around me.

Although it was nice, I do not like the hang over, and there is a very good chance that it will be a long time before having another drink.

As the Buddha said though, try things.  Try things each way and then choose for yourself.  It is so important to have personal experience rather than solely going on the word of any other.

I think very soon I am going to go onto the next phase of this journey, and I feel that it will be to go to Victoria for awhile – We shall see how this unfolds!

Love you all