Releasing Negative Energy Without Denial

Looking at things from a holistic point of view, we see that we are interconnected with everything in existence.  In other words, there is a collective consciousness which we the individual are a part of.

However, this is not meant to in any way dis-empower us as individuals.  The paradox of being One and Many is that although we are a part of a vast, infinite network, we are also completely individual.

It is our complete ownership of this individuality which allows us to do anything within the collective.  To move out of dependency and into sharing… the difference being that one requires a form of control.  If we are dependant on ____ in order to be our selves, then when ___ is not available, we will do just about anything to get ____ back.  The most obvious form of this is in personal relationship and friendship where our sense of self can start to become invested in the other.

I can tell you from a personal experience, I have done this many times in learning how to not do it!!  Life is after-all an experiment, learning, and creation in a simultaneous manner…

So now to the point of this post - We are completely individual beings, and in that individuality we make a collective Being which we are all a part of.

If we then deny a part of the collective within ourselves – “I am not jealous and jealous people are bad” for example… we are denying a part of the whole.  In this denial, we are actually highlighting, and repressing that part of our collective Being.

That does not mean that we need to act jealous, simply because it is a part of our collective Being… on the contrary, once this part of the collective Being is embraced, then as an individual being we can choose not to participate in the energy out of love, rather than denial.

The further we push a part away into the shadows, because it is deemed “wrong” or “negative”, the more haunting it becomes!

Just to rephrase what we are talking about.  To release a “negative” energy, we embrace it within ourselves, welcome it “home”.  And from there we now have a chance to choose different experiences in our own life.

It is kind of backwards to how the mind may originally approach negativity, wanting it to go away.  But in denying an energy, we are separating it, and thus cutting it off from the whole.  A person who is “whole” is someone who has relieved this paradox within through embrace, and simultaneously uses free will to choose best.   It is a deep balance of understanding and experience.

I can say from personal experience that I am not whole on one level, and very whole on another.  And this is what is said to be the grand game of life, the roller coaster of the play, Lila in spiritual texts… Not something to fight, but certainly something to acknowledge.

Perhaps this movement of self into Self is never ending, and has no goal or destination.  But if you are playing with this stuff too, then I hope this provides a clear reflection!

Much love beauties

Beyond Dualistic Thinking There Is Peace Of Mind

May I firstly say that duality itself is actually a blessing, and an important function and experience in the world we are living in.  What I am refering to here is the strict and patterned thinking that things need to be either one way, or another, rather than a combination and merging of truth...

What is dualistic thinking?

It is a mind function which says, “This or That”.  As in there are only 2 choices, and you have to make one now.

In this 3D reality we live in, it implies that whatever we can find, whether it is a perspective, a mental object, a category of any kind… there will always exist its opposite.

So for example, if I believe that I am a good person, there will always be someone who deems those same traits bad.  As is the case in every side of a war; The freedom fighters vs the oppressor.  Both sides feeling they are the right ones, and the other are the wrong ones.

Now, this is where the function of duality moves into a new way of Being.  If there is dualistic thinking, good bad, true false, yes no, then there exists its opposite… non-dualistic thinking.

The very function of duality implies non-duality.

What is non-dualistic thinking?

Non-dualistic thinking is what could be considered “both/and” answers.  Where dualistic thinking would be “either/or” answers.

There is a very practical application here.

When we are posed with a question as to whether something is right/wrong, then with a non-dualistic view point we can see that whatever path we choose, there are so many paths, so many options, that you can never truly know whether it is right or wrong.  In this way, we can stop using traditional logic to make sense of our decisions, and move into a more intuitive, feeling (heart) based approach.

On a very practical level, when you can see a duality in mind (I am this, as opposed to that), and it is truly understood to not be the full picture, that mind pattern is then transmuted into space, pure consciousness, presence.

If I am a liberal, then I am automatically creating a conflict with conservatives.  If I am a capitalist, then I am automatically creating a separation between myself and socialists.  It is the dualistic thinking which has us in the situation we are in today; Us vs Them, Good vs Evil, Science vs Religion, etc.  The truth that transcends “understanding” in a thinking sense is that both categories in any Us vs Them debate have something very real to share.

If for example, we took the social benefits of socialism (Free shelter, food, health care) and the freeing benefits of capitalism (freedom of speech, ability to create for ones self, abundance without restriction) then the war between the two “sides” would end, and we could use the best of all worlds to create a new living experience.

It is ending these wars within through deep understanding (Left Brain Right Brian, Male Female, Good Evil), which lead to the space of liberation, enlightenment.

On a personal level, one thing that comes from “both/and” thinking which is invaluable, is the ability to truly forgive ones self for making choices in the past.

The things that we cannot forgive ourselves for, we are able to logic out that “If I didn’t do that, then life would be ____”.  The truth is that whatever path was chosen, there was a specific experience which HAD TO HAPPEN the way it did.  In order to grow, and ultimately in order to choose differently the next time!

Without the experience you have had, how would you know what you want to do/feel/think/be now?

Understanding that right and wrong are constructs of duality, one can move into new ranges of experience which previously were thought impossible.  The doorways open to spaces that are liberated from what we know to be “true” and into a space of pure possibility.

Can you see dualities within yourself?  What would happen if the answer to many of your questions are "This AND That" rather than "This OR That"?  Perhaps we would not have as much to defend, which would be scary...  But the truth is scary.  True freedom is scary.  Are you willing to jump into space?

“Anything Is Possible” is The Cure For Paranoia

A fear is a contraction.  It is a feeling/thought that something has to be a way, and that way is not preferable.

Is this true?

We could never know the ultimate outcome of any situation, simply by virtue of life as an expansive measure of possibility.  So a fear is implying a possibility that is not favoured.

One could say, well it is probable.  Although this can be the case – What we are learning in the realm of neurosciences is that when a certain perception is happening over and over again, it is because our brain is quite literally wired to put on metaphorical “blinders” which perceives a situation in a similar way, essentially creating the illusion of choice-less-ness.

But is this true?

Because there is no way to prove this in a personal, meaningful way without the experience – This is an experiment!  And a challenge…

Now, I must make this very clear.  I am not talking about a fear like, standing at the edge of a cliff thinking about jumping (At least in a literally way) – Or, looking at a fire and wondering what would happen if you put your face in.

We are also not talking about a lack of discernment.

What we are talking about is the “what if” train of thought, that typically comes about before deciding to take a metaphorical leap into an experience ie. Going on a trip, starting a project, going into a social setting that is unknown, Etc

OR wanting to know something that literally cannot be known right now ie.  What is my future going to look like?  How is someone going to react to this news?  When are they going to call me back? Etc

Not just the words, or the thoughts – But the Understanding that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE is the cure for nearly all of these types of fear.  But this is not a matter of belief; it is a matter of experiential trust in the Universe as a support system, rather than a cruelty initiator.

The joke quite often is that when something comes that looks cruel; it is often a doorway into something new and expansive.  Lets picture your partner “breaks up with you”.   Is this cruel?  If ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, maybe there is a new experience which would be more conducive for your personal growth and healing.

I am going to share a story from my trip to India.

I was supposed to talk with my father on Skype one day, we had arraigned a time.  He didn’t show up and at first I thought, “That’s alright”… after a few hours, I had a thought, “What if he is dead?”  Suddenly I was overcome by fear!

If he is dead, then the last time I spoke with him maybe I didn’t let him know how much I cared for him.  If he is dead, then we will never get to talk again.  If he is dead, maybe it is my fault because I ___________.

I had a few things come to mind next.  He should be alive because _______.  It is possible that he just _____.

But still, those thoughts are rooted in fear.  I did not feel space, but rather pain, and a never ending supply of “he should’s” and “he might be’s”.

It was when I rested in the fact that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, that I felt true peace.  Because lets face it, if he had died, I would know!   It might have taken a few days, but I would know.  Until then, I could either spend my time wondering, worrying and justifying, or I could enjoy what one might consider the most beautiful place on Earth.

Do a check in.  When a fear comes up that simply cannot be proved, take a look at where you are physically.  9 times out of 10 I bet you are standing in front of a tree, or sitting on a couch.  The fear that you are experiencing does not come from a situation in reality, but a projection of something that may be very convincing, but ultimately you could not know.

Because there is nothing to lose in an experiment, let’s try this the next time something comes up.  See with the eyes of awareness, the pure space where things are not set, or even known.  Leave it up to reality to show you what is true.  Just this once!

Allowing your Perception of Others to be Fluid: An Experiment

Spiritual work in a lot of ways is purely individual work.  That is, it is our personal work on our own vibration and understanding that is what changes the collective understanding.

So what can we do for others?

There are many things we can do for others, and remain in balance with working on our own understanding… each person you are with is reflecting something within you!

Here is something to play with though, an experiment if you will.

We have a tendency to see our past interactions in the people that we meet and share with.  This is a reflection too, as we tend to do this with ourselves.

For the sake of this post, I am going to focus on those we have had troubles or arguments with.  The experiment is: what would happen if we didn’t bring our past with that person to the table?  What if we went into the situation with fresh eyes?  Would the same energy pattern repeat itself?

Only one way to find out!

This does not mean dropping discernment, or even forgiving in one sense.  It does mean though, that ultimately we cannot step in the same river twice.  The Universal Flow, by its very nature is changing every moment.  If something appears the same we have what is called a karmic cycle.  There is only one way out such a thing, and that is a deep recognition of this experience of Now moment awareness.

Automatically a thought comes up:  What if you had experienced abuse with someone on a physical, emotional, or mental level?  Well I am not suggesting going back into that cycle!  If you go into the moment without your past you are likely not to bring the attraction that might have lead to that cycle, perhaps in the freshness of the moment you will find out you truly do not want to be there.  This is not a “Love everyone even at the cost of your happiness” type of experiment.  It is grounding in the fundamental principal of this Universal structure.

To go into a situation where there is an accumulated past and hold the fresh space of Now, is to allow for something entirely new to come through!  Obviously, when two people do this it would appear to be more effective.  But in an experiment, it only takes one.  And what do you have to loose?

Just to see if this is possible.  And if in that possibility a new way of interacting exists.

When I was in India I studied for a short period of time with a teacher from Russia named Yukti Ananda.

In our experience together tension had risen.  I could say this was my fault or his fault, butt ultimately does this matter?

After a few weeks of not seeing one another he came up to me in confidence, or freshness.  He put his arm around me and pointed to the Ganges.  He said, “The Uni-verse is like Ganges river, never it is two times the same”.  I could feel that this was not fake, or to gain anything, but a honest expression of Now.

To experience this was life changing.  I had never been with another teacher in particular who did not bring out past into the present, which is of course, what we as spiritual teachers are teaching in a very real and experiential way.

Another deep experience I have had with this principal is with my Mother!

I feel as though our relationship has completely changed, after I stopped labelling her my Mother.  Even though, she still thinks of me as her son.  In dropping the experience that she “should” be one way or another because she is my Mother, we have been able to expand our relationship deeply and in many different ways.  And this is on-going!  I am living at home right now, and it is honestly a vacation and a treat!

 

So here it is: an experiment!  Try it for yourself and see what happens…

Stepping Out of Victim Mode

This is a touchy subject!  To dishonour the part of ourselves which appears as a victim is to drive it deeper into the shadows.  But to continue indulging the victim within is to continue a pattern which has no exit.

A victim consciousness will always keep up its appearance and accrue evidence, in an eternal fashion.  There will always be a reason why it is right, and other options wrong, and a physical experience to confirm this fact.

So what we are looking to do isn’t to fight it, and tell it that it is “wrong”, as this is the same pattern in a backwards fashion.  We are looking to “shift” our understanding, loosen up the grip of this understanding, and allow space for a fresh perspective to come through.

Let’s begin this process with “The Observer”.  It is said that it is observation, which changes the course of history.  By observing something with a fresh perspective, that is the very space which true change can and does happen.

Who is the observer?

It is You!  It is not the thoughts that “you” are having, this is a conditioned version of opinions which does not have room for new insight.  “you” are the 1^st person mode which cannot experience a relative point of view.  You on the other hand, are the ever present witness of everything You have ever done as a human, and beyond.  You do not have an opinion on what is happening, but rather observe things as though You are watching a television screen.

So here we have two you’s – One is “you” who has an opinion on the way things “should be”, “can’t be”, “would be if”, and “will be when”.  And one is You, who does not have an opinion, but rather sees things as they are.  Nothing added or subtracted.

This writing is designed to take you out of “you” and into You without claiming “you” as a problem, but rather pointing out the narrow perspective that “you” can only ever have.  Like a snapshot, in a never ending, always flowing reality, “you” get stuck in one perception, and mistake it for reality.

Emotions:

What might be considered the tricky part, is that “you” come with emotions and feelings which feel like what “you” are thinking is happening.  Ultimately, this is fuel for the illusion of being a victim.

“you” are having so many thoughts all at once, that there is no space for objectivity.  Only the view that what "you" are thinking and feeling must be the ultimate truth, is this true?

Practice:

To see -what is- without an opinion on how it should be, we are stepping out of 1^st person mode, and into 3^rd person mode.  We are watching from the eyes of the witness or observer, the fresh space of the present moment as it is without wanting anything different.

Take 3 deep breaths, simply to kick start by observing the effect it has on your physical body.

Now, allow every thought and emotion that goes with that thought to come up, but WATCH.  Watch the opinions on who you are, who they are, what they should be doing, etc…

Watch from the perspective of the moment itself… feel what is being felt, and think what is being thought, but do not BELIEVE.

Repeat this practice as often as you can.  As "you" allow You to see, thoughts and emotions begin to unravel themselves, and underneath is the freedom of Who You Are.  Pure awareness, pure seeing.

This is not an intellectual exercise!  And it is also not to somehow diminish discernment in the ways you want to live your life.  This is purely for the victim within to see that it has never been a victim, but rather an opinion which has taken on a life of its own.

Love,

- Josh

Beyond Positive Thinking

So here we are!  We have learned that we have creative say with what is happening in our lives through intention, and through paying attention to the lesson and experiences coming through us.

There is a target audience for this message.  It is for those who are learning about Who They Are, and What That Means. My self included.

We have learned that what we intend can and will manifest in our reality.  And there are many types of teachings in the yogic, and spiritual communities based on what is called positive thinking.

Fantastic!  Considering the mental space is one that we inhabit quite fully here –learning that our resistance to -what is- could be considered negative thinking is a grand gift of perspective.  In fact, negative thinking carries a charge that has a serious effect on the body, and reality we are living in.  It tends to draw situations which beget violence and mis-understanding.

This is where things get tricky though…

If we only work on our mental space, we are still living in the creative planning stage.  Whether that is positive or negative.  Learning to cultivate and strengthen this space is very important, but it is in no way the final word.

Grounding, could be considered putting these plans into action.  And, life by its very nature is a support system.  If you intend to do virtually anything, and then take the action (which could and does include non-action, so that we don’t get all flustered), then synchronicities and experiences will come and go from your Being.

Now this is the fun part, what is your Being?

Being is the whole that you inhabit, it includes the physical, emotional, mental, intentional, spatial, quantum, sourceful (and many more) parts of the Self.

Where do we find this Being?

It is here, Now!!

Stop, and take a “look” at who you are, where you are, how you are, right now.

This is your Being, and in paying attention to “it”, a natural deepening, or understanding occurs.  This is a funny thing to speak about with words, because it is not merely intellectual knowledge, but the experience of the present that we are pointing too.

Right now, as a human collective we have many blocks over the doorway into Being.  Meaning, that our attention is focused outside of the self, or on the mental self as an isolated “thing” amongst other “things” – this is a good cause for paranoia!!

Us Versus Them is the main vibration of being an isolated thing amongst things.  A defence and need to be right.  I have played with this many times, and still do in many portions of this life.  So this is not coming from a “master”, but rather a fellow Being.

As we deepen our experience, which is an ongoing honesty and authenticity with your self.  There are states which could be considered Trans-Personal, as there is nothing to defend.  Mystics, shamans, and intuitive readers have been experiencing these realms for as long as there have been humans.  And the experience cannot be defended because it is of a highly individual nature.  Yet, in its individuality there is deep understanding of the One experience we are all having.

It is quite a paradox!

The point of this post though…

Is just to remember that as we learn about the positive aspects of our Being, it is very easy to then label the other ones as negative.  But this can often be an illusion, or mis-perception.  It is deeply experiencing and integrating the wisdom that comes from knowing thy Self which is the never ending spiritual journey, and the natural deepening and trust of the eternal Now moment which is to shape  our collective consciousness and form new, or old ways of Being for the human race.

Experiment with thought, KNOW your mental space.  But also know that it is not the entire picture, for how could it be?

Love

Realizing your life as Multi-Dimensional

Before we begin, it is to be known that there are many definitions for what a multi-dimensional experience entails.  Right now it is a big topic, because it can and does imply so many things simultaneously.  So as we are working with this pointer, allow it to be of your experience, not necessarily the label itself.

What are dimensions?

A dimension is a set of markers that limit our experience in a natural way.  These dimensions include thought, emotion, physical characteristics, time, space, archetypes etc

We have been taught that we are to have a “solid” character.  A static set of truths that constitute Who You Are.  This includes likes, dislikes, forms of expression, age, experience.

What we are now realizing though, is that there is one dimension of experience that is eternal, but it does not have boundaries or preferences.  This state is the state of bare awareness from which all things come and go.  Some people call this the un-manifested, and all experience the manifested.

When this dimension, the un-manifested dimension becomes a part of our lives, we can then see that all of the characters, roles, and experiences we have are of a temporary nature.  There is an implication here.  That the way we are acting in one moment may not be the way we are acting in the next.  A dynamic energy is one that can flow with -what is- as that flow is changing.  Also, that we can tap into whatever character, beliefs, experiences that feel natural at the time, and know that this is not the only way to be.

A grand example of this in most people’s lives is in a monogamous relationship.  In your experience, can you see where you have been lover, friend, parent, child, etc?  Another prominently changing relationship is that of student and teaching.  In a dynamic flow, the role will change according to what is being learned, and what is needed.

Our schooling system of textbooks is a great example of a static flow.  The teachings are pre-determined.  This is not to be fought, but rather changed as the dynamic reality is presenting itself.  We have an opportunity to begin living multi-dimensionally by starting to notice which characters/roles we are playing, and then to work with that in a dynamic way.  Often times, it is authentically expressing our feelings with one another which is the key to a dynamic experience.  It is the hiding from these feelings which often keeps us static.

This is not always an “easy” task, as we are a character driven society!  However, in the right setting it can be very easy to begin doing this, especially with others who are learning and living similar experiences.  A key and tool that we can work with is to allow the other to “be” without the want to change them.  As in the case of “Space Holding” – Then to watch as the flow unfolds itself.

This does not imply though, that you are never allowed to comment or share with another in any situation, as there are no “rules” to this type of experience.  There are times to hold space, and times to express, and only you can decide which experience you are having.

Realizing your life as multi-dimensional has a fundamental embrace of the Now moment as an ever changing, ever evolving experience.  In other words, you cannot step in the same Now moment twice, as in the case of a moving river.  It is called a karmic cycle when we are experiencing the same thing over and over.  But this is not to be fought, but rather acknowledged.  It is the deep acknowledgment of a cycle which is no longer the cycle.  For that space of recognition is the Now moment in its freshness.

Many cycles are not just from this life, but are karmic in a sense of past lives.  Certain tendencies, fears, wishes, and characters are ongoing through many time periods.  Right now we have an opportunity to “shift” out of these cycles through deep recognition as the witness, or observer, rather than as the character.

Another way to look at it is the cycles of the collective consciousness.  Past lives do not need to be as personal as they seem, although sometimes they truly are.  Often times we are acting from a place of the collective man, women, partner, teacher, etc experiences that are collective, global and universal.  Again, it is noticing these cycles that is our exit point.  However, this also does not mean that we want to exit every cycle.

To begin fighting characters becomes a character unto itself.  When a multi-dimensional aspect of Self is being outgrown, it makes itself quite clear.  These words  are simply tools in understanding the outgrown character that are presenting themselves to you.

As awareness is growing within the collective and on earth, many cycles are being seen and moved out of that had not previously been acknowledged. And, the observer, witness, or awareness does not “want” to change anything, but rather is the natural change that is happening.

When we force change because we are supposed to, often we will find that there is a character within who feels a “supposed to” vibe, rather than the natural movement of form.

This multi-dimensional understanding is a freedom to “play” within form, and still know deeply the root of the formless.

What kind of freedom does this imply?  Absolute!  To know our boundries, include and transcend.

This knowledge could be scary if one now thinks, "Well nothing I do matters".  I did at first!  However, as this knowledge matures there is a grand experience of freedom and exploration.

Love Cats

Hitch Hiking to Toronto Part 4 - *Homeward Bound*

I left Monday morning, and again the focus or wish was to be home by Tuesday night. This time though, I felt a soaring confidence! The biggest difference this time around is that there was absolutely no experimenting with strategies as to how I would be picked up. The only experiment was to live in absolute peace, actively feeling the presence of body/mind/spirit. I knew that I was to be “successful” like I knew I had fingers.



Steff and I booked a drive on rideshare with kijiji to Montreal as a kick-start, and that was a really interesting situation.


The man driving me was quite clearly into a very traditional form of Muslim religion – And when I mentioned I had been to India his energy noticeably shifted into not feeling like for India. He was from Pakistan and they have been at war for some time.

Again, so thankful for this experience and here is why…


Being “spiritual”, it is SO easy to allow that to become a way of thinking – And ANY way of thinking can very easily turn into a mental structure. And so being in the car with one who is a fundamentalist (It happened once on the way there as well) is always a healing experience. Religious mindsets used to really annoy and upset me. This was because I was indeed adopting religious mindsets slowly but surely. Any time I felt that I was spiritual, and someone else was not – This is that same structure.


A free state of consciousness does not connote a particular way of thinking, but rather a view that sees all ways of thinking as temporary to the moment of -what is-. In other words, fleeting!


This does however take knowledge, knowledge that leads one out of a particular box that is being inhabited.


So you can see the “dilemma” – It takes knowledge to get out of a box, and yet that knowledge can very easily become a box. It is one of the most fundamental paradox’s available when it comes to exploring the nature of Self.

Hearing about what faith means to an orthodox Muslim, Jewish, or Christian always reminds me of this part that exists within myself. I have fallen into a way of thinking many times – And perhaps I will again – And perhaps that is where we end up. But right now, my exploration is focused on a free state of consciousness. Again, THAT STATEMENT could be the box. This is why discernment is a gift that we are (I Am) always learning!


I noticed when re-reading this that there was a certain key of negativity when I first wrote about the experience. Without removing it, because it is my truth as I wrote it – I am going to take this again as a healing experience and deeply integrate my bias, and also that part of myself who has done this before.


He dropped me off on the East side of Montreal, and that was awesome! I was near the underground tunnel across the river. At first, a small glimpse of fear came up – But immediately the invite to allowing presence, faith and confidence through was pre-sented.


I walked close to the tunnel and stuck out my thumb. Before I could even think about it, a car stopped. A really cool dude about my age named Tierry picked me up! It appeared as though he didn’t even think twice. Once again, Montreal was so easy and beautiful to be in. I really appreciate the vibe there.


He was going to school about 45 minutes East of the city, so I got a really good start away from the city. He spoke both French and English and we had a really nice chat.


At the new spot I had my thumb out for less than a minute again and was picked up – this was a nice quiet drive – about 30 minutes down the way.


Again, within 5 minutes a dude with a big, beautiful truck picked me up! He spoke very little English but told me that he works as a franchise owner for the yard care company “Weed Man”.


He seemed very grounded and intelligent. And invited me to stay at his place for the night. At first I thought, “No I am moving forward” – But feeling so safe with him I decided to relax for the night at around 7pm.

He set me up in one of the 4 houses on his property – It was a beautiful small little party house that his kids play in! His son and one of his friends came over and we had some beers. They were cool kids and I felt a really strong and beautiful life unfolding for them – What a treat!

I woke up in this beautiful spot in the morning, and the dude drove me to the highway.


I felt really well rested and ready to MAKE IT HOME!


Before I could even put out my thumb a dude stopped. He was about my age and a biologist that just came back from a 3 month term at the top of Quebec studying a type of shell fish. He said that he has hitch hiked quite a few times and always pays it forward when he gets the opportunity. Again, Quebec and hitch hiking was the easiest and most comfortable spot I have experienced yet. I really want to send some love, appreciate and focus on the easy to move with truth that so many people presented there.

Any who, when we were driving he said that I should check out another way. At first that sounded reasonable, but I got a little scared when we choose the new route because I had a plan and a route mapped out already. Immediately, I took this opportunity to heal. This was the new Present Moment, and I was ready to work with it in peace and presence.


When we started to get to where he was to drop me off he said, “You know what, it feels right to keep on going” – This dude drove another 2.5 hours to take me into New Brunswick and when we crossed the border took me to lunch. What a dude!!


The total driving time with him was 6 hours, and I just want to give another shout out of love to this guy for not only driving, but also joining the adventure! We talked a lot about options that we have as a species for sustainable living.


So I am going to take this opportunity to talk about this now ;)


I feel very focused on what it would take, and what it means to switch our selves onto a grid of living that is not enforced the way it is. Excuse my blaring optimism, but we have the technology, means and intelligence to create ANYTHING WE WANT. The technology of engines that work in so many different ways have already been created and then swept away for the government to keep what is in contract for gasoline.


Again, if the response to this is “Those fuckers are keeping us back!” – We are still in the game. It’s fine to be in the game – But the strongest effect that is had on society (In my opinion) is in stepping out of the game and working from that stance.


In fact, what a BLESSING! We are living in a time when the moment we are collectively ready to step out of the game, new ways of living will explode in ridicules degrees and opportunity. This is a future projection, so it is not absolute fact. And yet, I cannot perceive it in any other way. Whether this is a dysfunction or a blessing, you can decide – But I am very comfortable with feeling that we are on the verge of something very different from what we are experiencing at this time.


Now, the key is to drop (fully integrate) the game of fear and begin working (energetically and physically) on what it is we would like to experience!


Perhaps it is all in vain because whatever we want will be held back. But what the fuck else are we doing? Easy for me to say I realize ;)


Lets say for a moment that this whole Earth, Universe thing is an experiment – And we are here to explore those options. Firstly, those who are “in control” are doing the same, and rightfully. Now, not in opposition to that game, lets simply begin a new one!


Reading this will either sound genius or childish, and that is okay. Just for the fuck of it though – What is it that you would like to see?

It doesn’t matter if it comes true - Just answer, What is it that you would like to see? What would be an experience that you are not having now that you would like to experience? Are you interested in personal peace? Maybe you aren’t! Understanding this Free Will Universe, all truths are honored. It is a matter of choice.


If there were a place that was not the place you are internally, would you like to be there? Are you happy with where you are? Are you peaceful with what you are?


It is simply food for thought! Play with it!!

So, I was dropped off at the top of New Brunswick in a town called Cambellton – Ironically I have about 20 family members there – but at this point it was 3pm and I knew Where I Was Going.


I walked outside of town, which took about an hour, and got picked up quick. I got a short drive and met a cool dude who plays in a metal band. I have a friend who is heavily working in the metal scene in Halifax so they are now hooked up on facebook – What an opportunistic society we live in, amazing!


The next fellow who picked me up was an engineer for the highways in NB. He was a really cool guy, very easy to chat with about a variety of subjects. He drove me to Miramachi, which is about 3 hours from the border to Nova Scotia – Very pleasant experience.


The next fellow was an older man (I actually wrote down his license as I walked to the truck remembering my last experience). Luckily this guy was the bees knees. It is hard to explain without meeting him, but he was simply solid in himself. He told me stories about his life – Explaining he has lived on both sides of the law with absolute confidence in Who He Is now.


His job is to work building windmill turbines in NB and PEI – I asked him about that a lot, given what we were talking about earlier about sustainability. It was really funny because he was explaining the governmental regulations on us powering ourselves, and how hard it would be. This subject intrigues me to say the least! He also was collecting something called “Irish Moss” which was being used medicinally, to be able to eat, and also to feed animals safely without chemicals. Again, the government put regulations on that too and is no unable to work with it legally.


I do not feel an anger or resentment towards the government, but again an extreme excitement! There are options, and there are making themselves clear. If you look back in history many of the things we “weren’t” aloud to know or have started just this way and eventually became commonplace! I feel that a similar process is happening right now and will be exponentially in effect as we simply do what we need to do to live comfortably!


I feel it’s important to say that as much as I am talking about changes in the world of form – This is not being worked at, or in the level of form…


As we have discussed the outer world is a reflection of consciousness, which has its “base” within. We can spin and toil to “make this place a better world” – Or “do what we need to do to be comfortable” – But knowing the self is imperative. Not because we should, but because this is where actual change happens in the physical. Depak Chopra wrote a wonderful quote that it is the small majority of humans on Earth who are “connected” (We are always connected, it is a shift of focus) to vision beyond the thinking state that are actually creating the world that we see.

So no matter what it is that I see changing in this world, that is still not the important shift in focus. Anything created within the structure of the matrix we are living in is bound to be subject to duality, and collapse (Don’t believe this please! Ask and see for yourself!). The un-conditional (That which is, without conditions) aspects of Self, which exist “beyond” (Within) polarity itself is the resting space of peace, vision and creation.


And it is this connection, which I am writing from. And yet it looks completely different for everyone! No one is like you on the deepest level. And yet you aren’t better or worse than any other. Head fuck, definitely. In fact, it CANNOT be grasped – So it’s an automatic head fuck, and it shall stay there happily. ;)


I was at the last exchange before the straight trip from the bottom of NB to Halifax (Getting off in Fall River) and again, confidence was soaring. The sun was down in about an hour and I KNEW Where I Was Going.


A cool 21-year-old dude picked me up and drove me about 30 minutes.


He said, “I have never picked up a hitch hiker before!” – I was happy to set a good start and example with him – We made some jokes and laughed about the fact that I was almost home.


There was about 15 minutes before the sun went down, but again, absolutely fearless – I was going home right now!


A dude who was 25 like myself stopped, but it was no good, he was going to…


Halifax! It was totally good – And timely!


He is from NB and has been living in Dartmouth for the last 3 years working with the department of fisheries. Talking to him was incredibly refreshing. He was incredibly open minded, communicative and easy to dialog with.


This beautiful young man drove me right to the front door of my Mom’s home in Fall River!! Gotta like that!


I ran up to the door excited to meet my Mother, knowing that she will be glad I was home and safe. She opened the door first and burst out saying “YOUR GROUNDED - WHERE WERE YOU AND WHY WASN’T THE CELL PHONE ON” hahahaha


She had been freaking out all day because I turned the cell phone off!! We had some laughs and cries (Try and picture who was doing which ;)) – I thought it was major cute, and after a few minutes all was well!


I actually turned off the cell phone all day to MAKE SURE that I was resting in my power. Not that one should fear anything taking them away from their power, as nothing can – But I wanted to do this myself, and get there based on the frequencies and Self that I Am.


It was about 10pm, and I slept like a wee little baby all night!!


So, here we are – This story told. Thank you to all who took the time to read this. It was my first attempt at writing something larger than two pages.


The fear that I was experiencing at the start was “Is it even possible to allow such an EXPERIENTIAL time to come out on paper?” – I realized that I have had that same excuse many times. And I am sure that most artists go through something similar – It really all does come back (for me) to fear of my own success. That knowing and pride that I am Who I Want To Be – And will continue to grow and expand into eternity!


If it is the thinking mind, the individual viewpoint of what can be seen which is weighing what that means, the dear structure has little option but to overload. That is why expanding outside (And with) the thinking mind allows for clarity in a much different way. Not one based on facts (Although facts present themselves constantly, and allow for a certain type of clarity) but one based on the EXPERIENCE of the expanded self, consciousness, presence… It does not matter what word you use. Some people dare I say, might call what I am talking about God – But that word isn’t always helpful if it is a mind structure that comes in when that is mentioned, no matter how subtle!


There is one thing that I would like to revisit.


I talk about being in a free state of consciousness a lot. I just want to very clearly state that this does not mean doing “whatever you want” always. Even more brilliant than that, a free state of consciousness isn’t really even possible to talk about. Talking comes from this space; all definition in the Universe comes through this space. Linking yourself to what cannot be named, through experience and being open to it is an experience of freedom that cannot be imagined until tasted. And yet, to strive for it doesn’t really work either. Striving in some ways can work wonderfully, but it is a paradoxical striving of no striving. Seeing just how often we are working against ourselves by “knowing” in a literal sense what is best.


Life is a living experiment, and getting close to the creator of that experiment – You with a capital Y – You before what You do – Inside of what You are – Around the form You take and play with. It’s just not a bad idea is all ;)


Ask yourself, “Am I willing to know Who I Am”?


If not, beautiful! If you think you already know, beautiful! If suddenly books, people and experiences start to happen you could have never dreamt of, beautiful!


You couldn’t fuck this one up if you tried ;)

Hitch Hiking to Toronto Part 3 ~ Steph's Place ~

The experience with Steffi and her family was lovely. It was a very relaxing experience, which was just what I needed after the first adventure. The weather was nice and sleepy there too!


The first day we did go into Toronto for a fair though, and that was an interesting experience unto itself! Being in Toronto and Montreal actually reminded me a lot of India. I thought when I was India that it was the lifestyle that shocked me. But a lot of it is simply the shear amount of people in one location. Being from Halifax is kind of like being on a great big pillow. It’s so comfortable, and so peaceful in so many ways. And yet it can be awfully hard to get off that pillow even when an inspired idea comes through. But shit, if that is the biggest “problem” then I think we are doing all right!


Anyway, lots of people in one place is simply a different type of experience – And I am grateful to check it out – I feel that right now a slower pace is good for me though. But as Steffi and I discussed, if I lived there I would adapt fast and create a life there that was perfect for what I am doing. We humans can be really adaptive when we allow!!

It was also really interesting to be in a space where there was lots of news programs – Not just at Steffs, but everywhere – The frequency was very clear in the air. And the main focus was very much “Us versus Them” – you know the ones who are smart and the ones who are stupid. The ones who are living in a respectable way and the ones who aren’t. The rich and poor, etc…


Again, interesting to say the least.


I remember one time I was at a friends house a few months ago. I hadn’t watched the news since before leaving for India, maybe even for about a year – Not even by accident. Then the lady looked at the screen and said, “A woman and her son were found dead in _____” – I almost peed myself laughing. Not because the woman and son had this experience, but because this is somehow entertaining or informing for people. I cannot picture how a person’s life might be in any way added to, and deepened by hearing that story.


Also, the fact that our newscasters have to act without expression is interesting. I do not feel that they should be upset or anything. It’s just interesting that it is someone’s job to say stories about other people’s lives without any expression.


I talk about these kinds of subjects a lot, but if someone were to read this and think “Yeah! Lets get rid of it” – Sorry my brother or sister, but that isn’t it either!!


I feel that the television, internet and cell phones are grand gifts. I do not feel that we need to get rid of them in any way. However, IF people (myself included) were to use this technology in alignment with the natural gifts we all posses – I feel it would just look different. And that the same frequency, which is being used for one type of experience, might be more conducive for a deeper knowledge of Self.


A friend and I were talking about if there were TV channels, which were simply displaying a color – Perhaps, even a color that is picked up in your aura when its healing effects would be helpful.

We are already living in paradise, perhaps a twist on a few things we already have would make a huge difference. It all starts at home in the inner world though. Nothing can move faster than anything else. As we are all connected and this outer world is a reflection of the inner world we all share.


Well that was a nice rant!


Leaving Steffs place was cute – I am SO excited for her adventure, and she is leaving so soon. It almost seems ridicules that the linear experience of “departing” is even happening. When something is in line, it just feels so fucking good!


I was more than honored to come and give a hug to someone I love so dearly before a life-changing experience!


One topic that came up over the weekend I would love to talk about. When we start to learn that the way we are thinking and feeling has an effect on reality. Very often the first thing that happens is we get freaked out about what we have thought or felt before. Creating in the present another layer of guilt and confusion.


I feel that it is very important to be gentle with our selves. Thoughts and feelings of all kinds come up a lot. Some of them predict and assume really terrible things. As a start when we are working through these things. I feel it’s important to ALLOW WHAT IS THERE TO BE THERE – and THEN, to focus on what it is we are already, or want.


If we can first accept that the stories are playing, acknowledge those stories, HONOR those stories and then after they have got the spotlight, move the spotlight into presence and what it is we actually are or want, then it cuts away a lot of illusion and allows us to stay with -what is-.


It is very easy when one first learns about ego (You’ll notice I don’t use that word a lot because of the vibration it carries) it is very easy to want to rid your self of it. This is like kicking yourself in the kidney. “The ego” has and does perform a major purpose in our lives. One way to look at it is that ego simply means individual perspective. And there is nothing wrong with that! In fact, but definition it isn’t even a “that” – It simply is as it is.

When “the ego” can become a “problem” is when it is thought that our individual perspective somehow has authority over anyone else’s individual perspective. This happens a lot when people first learn about the nature of self. A distinction needs to be made between essence and projection. And yet, it is the blending of these two portions of Self that leads to “alignment”.


Learning about Who You Are, in the midst of Who You Are Not can be quite a challenge. But again, when a child is learning about something and falls down, you don’t tell him or her that she will never figure it out. You hold a space of patience and allow that child to mature. In a very real sense, this is what we need to do for ourselves at every moment. Luckily, this is not a strategy, but a state of Being, which simply does this all the time – outside of time!

Hitch Hiking to Toronto Part 2 - To Ontario!

The night before I left, our band played a kick ass show at Gus’ Pub – It moved my estimated leaving time from 8am to 10:30am – And was wellll worth it!



I walked from my Mom’s place in Fall River to the highway, and stuck out the thumb.


In about 2 minutes the first dude picked me up. He was a cool fellow who used to be in the army, but now lives a sweet retired life. A few years ago he went through a divorce from an unhappy marriage and decided to “clean up” the way he was living and approaching life – Like many of us at this time, we have been living a life based on “What our parents/society wants” rather than what is personally inspiring. It was really nice to hear his story and feel the energy that he presented. He dropped me off in Truro where the highway goes towards New Brunswick. It was a great start to the day.


Here we are, very early on in the story, and things take a strange twist.


The next person who picked me up was an older man who was driving from Truro to Fredericktown, NB.


We were in a place where the highway went into the woods for two hours or so. And he asked me, “You’re not a shy person are you?” – Immediately alarms went off. Very quickly, rather than allowing fear to overcome me, I snapped into an intense Presence. I felt my energy field as being the source of my experience. And in that, my focus was to make it to Toronto safely and for him to not touch me.


He said he needed to change his pants and did.


Then a little later he said, “Did you ever go for a drive in the buffs?”


Now, when you are reading this, I am sure that it sounds like the scariest imaginable situation, this man was definitely about to get naked. Have you ever seen family guy? There is a character called “Creepy Old Man” – And he is so weak and ridicules in the way he comes onto male characters in the show that everyone just laughs.


This is how I felt about the question, and so I responded with “No, that’s not my thing” in a relentlessly positive approach. He took off his pants, and masturbated, desperately trying to engage with me by wanting my attention in fear. He didn’t say this, but I could feel it in his energy field. I absolutely refused to A) Give him any attention, I read my book. B) Be in any way scared, offended, or upset.


He dropped me off and I didn’t say anything mean to him at all – In fact, I said, “You know, I really understand that sexual urges can cloud a persons mind. If you feel guilt about this later, know that this is the illusion”.


To just about anyone reading this, this is probably a very offensive way to approach a person like this. So I want to explain my “motives”.


This man is sick - this is for sure. But he is no more “sick” than most people on the planet. I am sure that this man had this scenario going through his mind, over and over and over again. The entire story with the dialog of what “I” might say, and what he might say. It is a sexual perversion gone beyond itself into something very inappropriate.


My only question for the reader, just like I asked myself is: Do I have any mental loops that have created ridicules stories that have been sexual perversions? I cannot speak for you, but I have. Although I have not done anything like that before – I know what it means to allow A) The mental construct take over and B) Sexual urges take over.


I consider this being “possessed” by the programming of our society, and the taboo of sexuality which has made one not feel comfortable expressing the very innocent sexual truth from a young age. I feel that the root of this disorder is the inability to express personal truth as a youth and feel empathy for this illusion. I do not in any way pity him, or anyone like him – I do not feel like he “couldn’t help it” either. I just know what it is like to be so fucked up in an illusion that others and myself are harmed emotionally.


So what I did in this situation, remaining in ABSOLUTE Presence and personal faith was… Forgive MYSELF. I forgave myself for every time I have ever felt out of control on a sexual and mental level. It has happened many times throughout my life. And I felt this was the PERFECT reflection for my own personal healing and forgiveness.


I would like to say very clearly that I do not recommend that others do this the way I did. Demanding that the car was pulled over and I was out might be the perfect experience the next time. I don’t not recommend it either, but this is something that I am doing right now with absolute confidence. This path of healing is in a lot of respects very extreme, and it is not even close to the only path of healing.


Another plus to a creepy old man masturbating in my presence was that I got to LAUGH MY FACE OFF at how ridicules the situation was in the first place. When I got out of the car I felt both disturbed and incredibly hilarious. “What a dream”!! hahahahha


Another perk to being in that situation was that I with confidence thanked life for allowing my healing on that subject and then – CONSCIOUSLY choose to not experience anything like that again. In a very gentle way, without saying “PLEASE DON’T ALLOW FOR THIS” frantically and accusingly – I politely choose in a simple command to the Universe I Am, that I don’t need to experience this again.


I integrated the experience into my energy field, brought it back home to the source of my experience, and chose differently.


The next drive was about 30 minutes later, it was a German couple who were doing a tour around the country until they went home a few days later. It was nice and relaxing, and they offered me some yummy cheese bread!


They went into the United States to go to Boston, and I continued in New Brunswick toward Quebec.


20 Minutes later, I got picked up by a man who was going almost to Quebec. This was another interesting experience, but after the weird experience everything else was kinda like a cakewalk.


He was a homosexual man who expressed his interest in me as well (Very non-threateningly), and I very politely and peacefully explained that it just isn’t my thing. I like women, and I have a girlfriend. He was respectful of this, even though he very clearly wanted more. It was amazing again to observe his energy field as he created scenarios in his head where we were together forever, I can only assume listening to disco and running through fields.


Haha That last part may have been a projection, but that was the sense I got anyway. He dropped me off and it was getting kinda late. From here on in nothing sexual or flirtatious happens, which is a plus!


About 20 minutes later, two forest workers in a big ol truck picked me up they were going over the border and about an hour into Quebec. And neither of them spoke any English. I know about 15 words in French and vice versa. But this was a really hilarious ride.


Eventually one dude was dropped off for home, and just the one guy and me were going. He had some beers and offered me one. Feeling safe I drank a couple of them as we drove, as did he. We were making jokes about the fact that neither of us had any idea what the other was saying! Haha


At one point he asked me if I wanted some cocaine, and I respectfully choose not to. I have tried every drug more than once in my time, and right now I was just feeling like I wanted to keep sharp (Even though I had a couple beers) because I didn’t really know where I was. He pulled over and said, “Uhhh do not… paniiik?” and I thought it was just about the funniest thing I ever heard. He pointed to his head and said, “I don’t know you think” And again, this to me was really funny – because he was implying that pulling over might indeed mean he was trying to kill me. So I made a joke that perhaps I was indeed going to kill him! We both laughed a lot, and then all of a sudden an alarm went off in my backpack – He turned to me and asked “Murder Time”?? hahahahahhahahah


After a day of people desiring me in ways I did not desire back, this was an excellent end to the day. At one point he farted, and without being able to talk the same language it was even more funny than usual.


I was at a gas station/motel, and I set up my tent behind the motel.


I want to talk about drugs and alcohol. This has been a really fucked up subject for me as I grow and understand the nature of the Universe.


Before I began doing work with energy, and teaching spiritual understanding I used to party a lot. In fact, my expression of “The way everyone is living is boring, and I refuse to conform” came out in that way. I was never much of a drinker, but I have tried every drug and HAPPILY explored what it does to the body and mind.


When I went through some shifts, I started to feel like I was doing something wrong or dis-respectful to my self. And on one level you could say this is true. However, right now in my life, I only feel deep empathy for anyone who is so bored of the way society is set up that drugs and alcohol is the only way to mask -what is-. I found myself fearing drugs, thinking that I was a bad example or somehow disappointing the Universe. Guess I forgot that I am the Universe ;)


That actually leads to a drastic point, which again I cannot call morality or a way to be. This is just my adventure right now:


I feel that any time we are afraid of disappointing the Universe, or feel we have the ability to please the Universe – We are creating a separation which is based on Illusion. There are great things that I like to do for people and friends, but it is not to please the Universe any longer. There are also things that many people might find offensive that I enjoy doing, and I will no longer feel as though I am doing wrong to the Universe. This separation is the very “dysfunction” I believe we have been working with for eons.


Our essence (the part of us that is the part of everyone/thing else) – Loves to do things because it can. It loves to help because that is what feels right, not because there might be some sort of reward. And ironically, often there is – But it is because the game has been dropped to try and do better or worse at it – And in that integration, people are typically friendlier – “Do unto others as you would have done to you” – But I wouldn’t recommend making that into a head-fuck, or expecting the same in return ever.


There is a peace that comes with doing this without expectation, and it is that peace which draws beauty and adventure into life – Not the game of being a “good” person. Essence or Oneness is just good because it is, and does not fear what others might think.


Right, drugs! So exploring altered states of reality WITHOUT drugs has been a really fun thing to do – Exploring presence as the source of all life, and feeling the truth of bliss. And yet, sometimes I like to smoke a joint. Presence has become a way of life, not a place to dabble in, but a place to live. And so sober, straight, up, down. The Presence of Source is my life right now. I love being sober, I love exploring drugs, I love exploring everything. When something becomes uncomfortable perhaps it is time to move on. And if something becomes a substitute for the beauty and magnificence of life, perhaps it is time to move on. But do so at your own pace. And doing it to impress anything or anyone is not authentic.


So sleeping behind a motel in a tent was awesome! I LOVE being in a small tent, it is built for one or two people. I felt so safe and taken care of in my warm sleeping bag. I kept having dreams that the people who owned the motel were like “Get the hell out of here!” – Then I would wake up and there was only a beautiful wind rustling the tent. And little birds chirping and walking around the tent.


So this is the start of the second day – And my goal, no, my reality is that I am to be at Steffi’s place that night.


And as head fucks go…


That scared the shit out of me! Such an expectation to live up to. I have never traveled by myself through Canada, I had no idea how I was going to get there, and I was suddenly really scared that I could not make it. I even cried a few times – And felt like “I am so desperate”! Suffering, quite literally.


Luckily, this was a GRAND opportunity to allow that part of myself which is scared of uncertainty to more healing. I walked for about 2 hours, allowing myself to feel the fear in its totality. Allowing myself to be a “child” and let my mind say “I WANT” and “I’m scared…” – This for me was a very healing experience.


I then snapped back into intense presence and put out my thumb.


Two minutes later, a very nice man picked me up. He had a son about my age and was going to visit him a little into Quebec. I was astonished as to how BEAUTIFUL the land in Quebec was. It was filled with colorful fields, large mountains, huge shining lakes and bays. Truly magnificent! He didn’t speak English, so it was just a nice quiet ride – I reflected on Who I Am, What I Want, and Where I Am Going.


He dropped me off and I put out my thumb confidently and in presence and heart. 2 minutes later, a girl stopped. She was a cool looking chick driving a big old van all the way to Montreal! It is about a 4 hour drive, what luck!


This experience was very special for me. She spoke less English than anyone I had gotten a drive from so far. Yet we started to charade conversation. I like to ask people what they want in life. It is a spiritual practice for me to ask people what they want in life, so that their Universe is clear. I am not doing anything, but it just feels like fun!!


I asked her where she would visit if she could, and she charaded, pointing up and said “Space”. Well anyone who knows me knows that I am very interested in the metaphysics that states that we are a part of a grand cosmic experience – and that other planets regularly contact Earth. In fact, I feel that many of us (If not all) have experienced being a sentient Being on other planets. Her and I ended up talking about some very deep concepts without Being able to speak the same language. There is something very deep and real about this kind of experience. She and I were connected by the heart (As we all are) and really allowed that kind of communication to take place. What a treat!


Before I left Nova Scotia, I thought that going through Montreal might be the hardest part. I know it’s a huge city, and that there is a freeway that goes over top and through it that I would need to hitch through, and it didn’t feel easy.


I tried a few times to hitch, but I felt very overwhelmed by the traffic and again, I NEVER want to live desperately. I love my self, or love is my self in the most literal way. So rather than allowing the desperate feeling to take over, I thanked it for Being and choose to start walking. I didn’t realize that it would have been about a 5-hour walk, and luckily I didn’t need to know!


As I was walking in absolute peace, confidence and presence, a fellow nodded to me and I got a strong feeling to go and say hi. He was working at a security camera company and greeted me with a huge smile. He basically said, “I used to hitch hike and I completely understand” – Invited me in – Made me some pizza, filled up my water bottle, and printed me off a big beautiful sign that said “Toronto SVP-Please” – Then to top it off, he asked a friend if he would drive me to the end of the city because he was going that way anyway.


He said jokingly, “If you murder my friend, I’ll hunt you down until I die!” – I thought that it was really funny because everyone is scared to pick up hitch hikers in case they are killed, but that is the very thing that I am supposed to worry about too. So everyone is super scared of Being murdered. Perhaps we can have a day where we all agree to not kill each other and drop it on both ends hahahahah


The dude drove me to the other side with his son who was 15, we joked a little and I said “I bet you are thinking about girls a lot” remembering how being 15 was, and also allowing for that kind of space. As we talked about earlier, I feel that repressing those feelings about sexuality can be much more painful than it appears – And it isn’t always easy to talk to parents about it. But the 3 of us had a good laugh about lots of things.

Then I was on the main freeway out of the city and someone picked me up immediately. He is a fashion designer who usually takes private jets and what not. So he said whenever he sees someone who looks “Half Normal” he picks him or her up almost to share the wealth! I thought that was really cool. It was a short drive, but he drove me to the highway that was going toward Toronto.


I just want to give a huge thanks and appreciation to Montreal – I really felt taken care of in that big city, and was a huge boost in trusting personal truth and presence. I knew I needed to leave the city, and I knew I wanted to be in Ontario tonight, and life (our essence) honors what we want by opening up beautiful pathways.


I put out the thumb and an intuition kept saying, “the ride is already here” (An intuition is not necessarily a thought, there is a very subtle quality to it) – I kept on hitching, and the intuition kept on pulling me – I thought it was kinda weird! Except then I looked and way far down the line there was a dude pulled over jumping up and down. I thought “Wow that guy must be having car troubles” and my intuition kept on almost laughing at how much the ride was there. That guy kept on frantically waving and jumping up and down and it dawned on me…. Hahahahaha


He said that he was trying to flag me down since I passed me when I first got onto that part of the highway, and cars were literally stopping for him to help.


He was a cool dude from Palestine who was embarking on a 3 month adventure of his own, first to Ontario, then to the United States to visit family and party in New Orleans. He could be considered a hippy in demeanor, and we talked about all kinds of things. We actually smoked a few doobies together and laughed, talked and enjoyed the drive.


There is one thing that comes up a lot. There is a philosophy about freedom and what it’s like to live freely – And that the government and politicians are keeping us down. While on one level this is true, I would like to constantly re-enforce the fact that the only way we are being kept down by the government is because we are playing the game. We are fearing the things that “they” want us to fear, and then fearing the system itself for trapping us.


The irony and paradox is that this is really fearing fear itself. And it seems that as long as we are scared of the system that produces fear, we are stuck in a pattern of wanting freedom from “whatever”, without the experience of freedom. Experiencing a free state of consciousness is as yet quite rare (perhaps) within the human race – So it does take a lot of bravery to live that truth. It truly does involve dropping the game entirely (This does not always mean abandoning the physical society). This kind of freedom implies being COMFORTABLE with the fact that we as a human race have not been very free on one level. Learning to be at peace and Present with something that doesn’t look very peaceful is a grand gift that we all have access to – And again I re-instate: This is not an ultimatum or the “right way” – It is an option, and we are all free to choose whichever option we wish. It is nice to know there are other options out there sometimes though!


The cool dude dropped me off about 10 minutes from Stephanie’s home, and I was feeling CONFIDENT!! I was smiling and joyous – knowing that I was going to make it tonight. This first part of the trip in particular was drastically metaphoric of an upgrade into a state of unquestionable faith for me – And so I was a giddy One!! It was dark and in Ontario it is illegal to pick up hitchhikers (The fear around the subject there is intense to say the least!). Still, knowing Who I Am and Where I Was Going – I was a smiling monkey.


Then a cop pulled up and said he was going that way! I got in the back and thought that the whole thing was even funnier than before! I got a drive right to Steffi’s front door. If I was not so excited I might have planned a grand joke where the cop friend either A) Pretended to arrest Steffi or B) Pretended to arrest me hahaha


But I blew it and just went inside with glee.


Again, this first part of the adventure was probably one of the most intense adventures/challenges (of truth) I have ever experienced – And I am incredibly happy to have the opportunity for every beautiful, strange, scary, healing and synchronistic experience that I was blessed with.


It was funny looking back at all of the projections about how it would go as well, that either I had or others reflected. Some said I would never make it in 2 days, others said I would never get picked up in Ontario, and my internal fear kept saying that if I couldn’t make it then I was not authentic to Who I Am. All of these had their place beautifully, and the presence of truth and peace prevailed beyond all comprehension as always!


I got there at 10:45, so I was 45 minutes late, but throw a dog a bone! =D

Hitch Hiking to Toronto Part 1 - My Motives

I am going to start this post with the most authentic truth I can conjure. I am really scared of writing.

Writing is what I want to do for a living. And I feel so passionate about expressing Who I Am, and What I Do through the written word. But I have some thing inside of me that is absolutely afraid of my own success. I know that what I put my focus on grows at an exponential rate, and that what I invest in will always be successful – If not to anyone else by to myself.

So hitch hiking to Ontario is really symbolic of doing anything in life. There is a risk involved in taking a leap in the unknown, an excitement! With that though, there is a feeling of doubt and fear of not being able to complete the adventure. On a level of mind, success implies the option of failure and creates projections of scenarios where it doesn’t work out.

This piece of writing is now the adventure, and the experience last week is finished – So here it goes

=D

Last year before I went to India, my dear friend Stephanie came to Halifax and gave me a dear farewell – When she left the house I could tell that her wishes for my successful adventure had an inspirational impact – So now, I was going to do the same before she heads off on a 5 month adventure to India!

It was really funny, when I mentioned to people that I was going to hitch hike to Ontario, I very clearly hit the fear button on a lot of people. If not fear for my life, the energy of “It’s going to be hard and take a long time” came out. What was happening was not that friends wished that I couldn’t make it, but they lovingly were reflecting the fear and doubt that I had within. I believe that this world works as a mirror for consciousness – Meaning that whatever is being presented to me in the moment, is a reflection of a part of my self.

So if someone is supportive, they are reflecting the part of my inner world that supports – If someone is downright angry, they are reflecting the part of my inner world that is confused.


May I firstly say, that I do not recommend anyone else live the way that I do. This is the way that my brain is wired right now. But this is not a message of morality. This is not to imply that “everyone” should be acting from this space of Oneness, it is just what enthralls me. Maybe tomorrow I will have dropped the entire thing, but right now, this is what I am doing!

So when someone is fearful for me, what I am learning to do experientially (Meaning not only as a mental response of concept, but very physically) is feel that fear, release that fear in my body system through physically evoking –Presence- And then moving on immediately into aiming directly for my goal (If there is one) without distraction of doubt. My goal this time was that I was to make it to Steph’s place by Friday evening (Having left Thursday morning), specifically by 10pm.

This is a lot of explaining before we start the adventure… But I don’t feel we can move on without an understanding of –Presence-, as it was such an important part of this trip.

Presence to me means being so fully in the present moment, that there is an experiential movement from the level of the thinking mind, into the space that the thinking mind comes from. This starts (For me) very physically, by accessing a feeling throughout the entire body (inside and out), of energy moving and flowing from head to toe, and everywhere in between and around. I believe that some martial artists would call this “chi” – I do not have many labels for the experience, because it is not something that can be explained with words. As words come from the same space that the thinking mind comes from. Everything does, as it is the source of all life in the Universe.

So when I am living in Presence, I am living as the source of my own life. Meaning that nothing from the outside is to provide my happiness or suffering. Rather, I am allowing these experiences to come through me. It does imply control. And on one level this is true, but on another level it could not be further from the truth. I am giving up the absolute mental control of expectation – While simultaneously aiming directly for what I want – And simultaneously acknowledging fully -What Is- as it is, without manipulation of what “Should be” – Kinda sounds like a magic trick doesn’t it??? Haha


I am not always living in Presence, and yet it is my “Life’s Purpose” if you will, to drop the game of “should, shouldn’t, hope, wish, good, bad” and to live in this state in absolute faith. Is this everyone’s life purpose? Fucked if I know! Again, this is not a preaching of morality – But is an experimentation…


In fact, what I “believe” Earth is – Is a space of experimentation. I feel that we as humans are here to explore and experiment with our selves and with the consciousness of the Universe. The way children would explore the woods, or each other – Except as a lifelong endeavor. I do not take this place to be serious – I do not feel that we are a bad race of species or a good race of species – I do not feel that we are to do better, or to do worse – And I do not believe that we are bad for this planet, or good for it – That we are special or not special – We simply are as we are, and are doing what we are doing.


There would be many very conflicting reports, belief systems, and perceptions, which would state that I am talking bullshit, that we are a plague on this Earth, and that the planet may be doomed by our very presence. Or that life is meant to be hard and painful, that we do not deserve to live in peace or to do what we are passionate doing. If you reading this and feel that way… You are right! Do not believe what I believe because I have said so. Doing so would be the most obtrusive assault on your personal truth imaginable. Without the direct experience of whatever it is you consider truth (Which to me is experimentally living in presence and peace) we may as well be speaking two different languages. And if mine doesn’t jive with yours, no problem! Continue on your adventure and release what you are reading here.


Lets sum it up one more time before we start. 


On this adventure, I went in with the mindset that:

We are all One, and everything we experience is a reflection of our inner world.
It is possible, even in bizarre situations, to access a state of peace (or Presence) and the implied forgiveness that goes with that.
In this state of peace without mental conditions, we are the source of our own lives without the outside world creating happiness or suffering (That lasts).
Fear and doubt are grand teachers of our inner power to be creators.
Life is a non-serious, experimental arena or play.
There is no One truth for all people, and paradoxically this is One truth.