GCA4 - Bus Ride from Toronto to Calgary

Toronto is a big city!!  It was neat to go there by myself, as I felt an automatic insecurity.  I have always taken a lot of pride in my ability to know where I am going, spatial awareness – And so when I don’t know where I am I sometimes get a little weirded out – However this is my healing – How often in life do we truly know where we are? Things are subject to change, and landscapes are always evolving.

When I got on the bus, two people came in around the same time, a girl and a guy, and we ended up having beautiful conversation – The girl said, “People don’t normally just say hi in Toronto” – A fact that I often forget!

I can truly say that as I have come this far (Alberta), I value Nova Scotia more and more – This happens every time I leave, and feel that it is nice to remember how much I love where I am from.

There was a time in the middle where a group came together and we knew we were going to be on a bus together for the next 2 days.

I had some very interesting experiences with male energies.

For the last year, and a concentrated last 6 months I have been dating Lauren, and in our space we have lived in Silence of mind, and openness of heart.

For a great period of time on the bus I was feeling quite knocked over by strong male energies – It is not that they were "bad", but I am just not used to talk about “fucking girls” and things of that sort.  There is a certain degradation that just does not fit into my life anymore.

It is extremely important for me to say that this is who I have been in the not so distant past - As I accelerate and evolve, my heart opens more and more and I am becoming something new - But in a lot of ways I was seeing my past.  And also seeing where I would have went along with the conversation to fit in before.  But this is no longer who I am - I would rather be an authentic loser than an inauthentic "success".

So as I am evolving, open heart relationship, and tantric experience is what I value.  Engaging all energy centers from the bottom to the top, and experiencing un-conditional love.

The way we typically make love as humans we can do it “good” or “bad” – to be “bad” in bed is ones worst nightmare.  

The joke is that it is ALWAYS a two person experience – What one “gets out of” sex is what both partners put into it – And in an un-conditionally loving situation the rating scale is thrown out the window, and in its place is open communication and embrace.  Like children, without a pre-conception of what is good.

And it is also important to mention that it did not happen automatically - When learning, or rather unlearning how to be authentic in sexual exchange, I had to face many patterns.  Patterns of insecurity.  Masks of how to do it "right", conditional self love.  And with patience, these experiences began to transform into what they are now.

By the end of the trip we were all talking on many different levels and it was truly enriching – I was practicing patience, and am glad I did.  If I had reacted to the energies and pushed back, a door would have been closed – But by allowing patience and love to come back each time, slowly but surely I got to share my views without pushing them onto anyone (This has been a major lesson for me!).

Some of the conversations were deeply connecting, and I got to write quite a bit and gain insight into quite a few areas of my life.

We had a 12 hour delay in a bus station, and it was very bizare!  It felt kinda like being in prison at times, there was a gaurd in particular who was treating us very poorly.

However, another gaurd was really awesome!  He and I started "Channeling" - What I mean by that is that the conversation starts to happen without deliberation. Automatic talking - When two people do not want any particular outcome, there is a space for a natural, authentic flow, and he and I got to share wisdom and healing with eachother in a 2 hour channeled flow.  I can truly say that I live for this kind of exchange.

Thoughts and words move out of the way as barriors and begin to flow to eachother, rather than against eachother.

In shamanic culture, it is known as a soul exchange.  It means we take down our defenses and masks to share heart to heart.  This "heart channel" is the soul expressing itself from beyond this world, and the conversation tends to take on flavors of insight that were otherwise not accessable.

This can also be called "Space Holding" because we become the space of awareness, and not only our human form - In this space, the human form truly comes to life!

I am in Banff right now and feeling quite sick!  I feel like I am cleansing quite a bit of fear and attachment right now – My writing feels a little lacklustre, but if I don’t push through and write I tend to put things off until they “disappear”, a subtle self sabotage that I am moving through right now!

Love

GCA Part 3 - My time in Ontario!

This post is about the experiences at Steffi’s place in Ontario.

The time with Steffi was very relaxed, we talked a lot, and gave each other a lot of space.

In the creation of conscious community, giving one another personal space is so important.

There are many spaces being set up, and experimentation is key… there are no absolute guidelines as to how we shall live, and many people who are starting these spaces are just re-membering their oneness with the Universe.

Re-membering oneness is an expansive experience – However, in its immaturity there is a cross over where one realizes the power they have with reality, and if that is personalized as a spiritual ego, it is very easy to “decide” how everyone is going to live.

The future infrastructures which will be successful are the ones that have communal opportunities, be they ritual, shared eating, group entertainment, etc. WITH a no “obligation” openness.  Religions have tried to create heavenly communities for some time, and the repeated mistake is that “group think” starts to take over.

Suddenly if someone needs to take their space, the rest of the group is wondering, “where is ___”, “I wish ____ was here”.  This is a subtle mind control, and will not last in the independent and interdependent balance which is budding!

Tribe mentality has deep purpose, and also deep healing of possessiveness (Of truth or people).

So the experience at Steffs was very reflective of having time to share with each other, and having private space – The natural flow took us to these spaces without deliberation!

We went to Toronto on St. Paddy’s day, and WOW, what a huge place!  I am always amazed at cities – As far as I can see this will not ultimately be the kind of atmosphere I live in, but who knows, things change.

We went to the local art college to meet a friend, and he was a cool dude who showed us some really cool videos he was working on.

We went to and explored some cool places.

The big theme that Steph and I were talking about was the flow of relationships, be they with parents, partners and friends.

A huge paradigm that I feel needs healing is that of “You owe me, I owe you” mentality.  This is not the discernment of trade, but rather the mentality of emotional lack that we tend to bring into communication, rooted in abandonment issues.

With parents this is particularly prevalent – “I birthed you so now you owe me a life I want you to live” or “You are my parents so you owe me security”

Both of those mentalities restrict the flow of authentic exchange, and taint our ability to share our truths.  My parents and I have worked with this paradigm for some time, and still do.  And our society and institutions are drowned in this often.  To go to school for example, you now start off 5 full time working years behind, just to pay off the debt.  That kind of start can only come with one thing, resentment.  And in resentment true creativity cannot flow.

I went for a walk one day to the downtown of the place Steff lives in, and I felt called to keep walking and walking…

Eventually I came across a spiritual shop called, “Sacred Quests” – I was greeted immediately with open hearts by the owner and her husband – Spirit began nudging me to channel some information to the husband.  He is a healer, and a channel, but was working through old paradigms that stated, “Only Jesus is allowed to do this work”.  This is an outdated paradigm that was set up to control people’s ability to connect for themselves, creating a dependency on religious institutions.

We had an amazing, uplifting session – I was so glad that I trusted the impulse to keep walking!

A few days later Steph wanted some incense so we went back to that same store, and a beautiful young lady who also was a healer working through self confidence was there – A channel immediately opened and the sharing was amazing.

It is so clear that there are many, many humans on Earth with deep talent and abilities to channel healing energy, and that self worth is the major thing holding us back – This is something I have been working with for some time, and it is the root cause of nearly every addiction and superficial mask!

Luckily, now is the time to heal these spaces, lift the veils, and come into personal/global wholeness.  Who knows how much time that might take, it is not pre-determined!  All we can do is have individual commitment to our own personal process of shedding illusionary masks, and do what we know in our hearts we are capable of for ourselves and the world.

The time spent in Ontario was incredibly rejuvenating, and I was very happy to spend some time with a dear friend!

Love

Internal Confusion About Love!

I would love to write about the actual experiences I am having with people here, because there have been some intense exchanges of truth and understanding with many people already.  But I have to admit though; this has been quite a challenging time in my life since I left.

When I first started writing this blog I had assumed that it would be all light – Truth be told, that is never the way life has been.

A mature understanding about reality is that it is our challenges that allow us to grow – And in this case, I feel that what is happening is that masks and projections about what is real are coming off, and what is revealed is incredibly sensitive and human experience.

Before leaving, I had been in relationship with Lauren for a year.  We decided that because I was going away for an undetermined amount of time that we would call things off, leaving them open.

Intellectually this seemed completely reasonable, but in practicality...

I have been in very intense states of missing her, her presence, and our experiences together…

We spent what seemed like days in what can only be described as a childlike state, a state where there was nothing to be defended, and pure experience without expectation underneath.

Living in “Silence” – not being quiet in a literal sense, but living in quiet mind together.

In that space of quiet mind, a completely different type of communication starts to happen.  There is nothing to defend or try to impress one another with.  A psychic sense opens up that is often obscured by our wishes to please one another, or get something from one another.

The type of communication that starts to happen is a full body expression – From the highest form of spirit to the lowest form of earth.  In this description though, high and low are not good and bad.  In spiritual maturity it is shown that all spectrums could not exist without each other.

The “lower vibrations” are actually the reason we are here on earth – To experience ourselves as separate beings.  One who is whole, becoming whole, or healing realizes is that we are completely separate entities, and also the highest form of One expression.

Those concepts may seem like they go against one another, but stepping out of concepts and into experience, there is a concert that cannot be captured, only lived in its fullest.

So the meat of this message is that I am experiencing a lot of grieving, and a lot of healing about what it means to be in relationship.  A perspective is being born which moves beyond any "idea" that I had about what relationship is.  Personal evolution...

As we have all experienced at one time or another – After taking a step back from an experience, it is usually then that we have a clear view on what it really was, and in turn is.

This all reminds me of the endless poems, plays, and romance novels which had not made much sense to me… as I open up my heart they do, and I feel like I am becoming more and more real.

I will write about all of the other experiences I am having soon – Many cosmic conversations and encouragement for the book I am writing, and global healing…

It is just so important to honor this intensity that I am feeling – And to not only write about the “good” things – A multi-dimensional being is one who experiences all of the spectrum without denial – And quite frankly, my heart is a hurtin!!

When reading this, if you wish to say, “don’t worry it will be okay” that is a lovely intention – But please realize that that is not what I am looking for.  To experience is divine, and the maturity of a spiritual quest is to be able to experience without denial – This is peace.

Love!

A Beautiful Poem About Rebirth - by Lauren Levine

Youve just been born remember your innocence.

Congratulations!
You have just been reborn
Welcome to earth!
What a fine choice you've made.
I see you've chosen to come back with this paticular body... one that holds memories
Thats why its so big right? because you carry all that you learn as you grow
Then you have the choice of course as coming back as a baby and starting 'fresh'
Or we can start right here as you have so chosen.
What a delight.
You have just been born.
Look at the moon and see U.
Look at your fingers and see U
Look around and see all the U there is
Notice how U interact with yourselves
Notice how much you love/accept yourselves
You've just been born this is such a new experience for you
there may be some confusion though
this may look very similar to a past life that haoppended very recently
its okay
look past the appearances
it is not the same
we promise you
the water in the river is always changing although it still looks like the same river
dance with the wind child
entrance yourself with the divine spirit that has led you to this rebirthing
each rebirth is an opportunity to remember to experience your innocence
this is the night of heavens birthing in tthe mind and soul and spirit
trust that you are protected
the time is not for expectation for it will lead you astray and you bind yourself when you expect to be given even time
come into the house of many mansions and during the water of nightsprings
you are the gentle meadow that lays on the earth
the one that you play in so carefreely
whgy donr you play again
discover the truth, or, what you thought was it, not being so
dance in the flowerbeds that orient the waves and know these to be something your heart with hand knows in a way that is not solid at all
into the nine will come the spartition of parts that regain the strength of the all
when you watch without a stare but a feeling of what is
become your intimate selves become your environment become be and then come join the stars
on earth
with your body
the one you were just reborn with
it may look like one who knows
and it does
let it show you the truth for it speaks when listened to.
The divinity in your cells.
You are the light and the way
Remember your innocence, innersence
With eavh rebirthing discover the world renewed with splender.
See what you have seen with out seeing as you've seen.
You are free

The neat thing about being reborn in this form is that you dont have to do what your parents want you to:-)

 

You are the child and the parent now

 

- Lauren Levine

Great Canadian Adventure Part 2: Driving to Toronto

I decided to try rideshare on Kijiji – If you are unfamiliar with what that is, you just post if you are going somewhere, or if you wish to go somewhere – And then split the drive and cost of gas with another.

I truly feel that this is a great example of the connectivity and opportunistic experience of our time.

I met the fellow at a coffee shop about a week before hand – I mentioned to him that I do healing work, and he told me he was a minister of a Baptist Church.

There was automatically a feeling within me that this might be a problem – I have ended up in talks with Christian folk before where I felt like I was either to defend myself, or there was an automatic defence on Christianity as not allowing such practices.  Or specifically that it only through Jesus that we are healed and that name is the most important part!

Although I did not hold onto that as an absolute truth, I rested with it before we met for the drive…

What a lovely surprise!!

This man is on a journey like all others, and was incredible humble, knowledgeable, studied, written, funny and loving.  He has a scientific background in environmental work, has worked with the mentally challenged,  and has an Eastern heritage background in China.

One of my favourite things to find out is that a projection that I have about someone or something is not true – It can seem so convincing that often times I have began reacting before there is any space for something new to unfold.

Over the past year I have been learning something called “Space Holding” – Meaning to simply hold space without agenda so that anything that is unexpressed has space to unfold – There is ebb and flow to this, speaking, listening, and in balance something new and authentic nearly always comes through without expectation.

We talked a lot about spirituality, society, and what we can do to contribute on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels.

He helped me understand the history of just about every religion which I asked about!  And I spoke to him about Cosmic, Buddhist, and Zen – The exchange was incredibly balanced and flowing.

We spoke about a few things that I consider keys to unlocking our minds and opening space:

-         We in the West often thinking in “Either/Or” terms – I am either this or that.  The definition being the important part.  However in many other cultures and in mystical sects it is known that “Both/And” thinking is a key to not being stuck in polarity.  The Yin/Yang is an example of this balance.  If I am “Christian” in a strict sense then I automatically begin a war with all who are not – Wholeness is peace.

-         He was very insightful into the fact that many Christians are very caught up in the definition of what a Christian is – But once that definitive experience is out of the way, we have a chance to simply cultivate each others gifts, provide space for healing, and do what we can to help and support one another.

-         Right now there are many people who are having trouble expressing and allowing through spirit – One of the reasons for this is that we have “deadened” our experience through objective definition.  I am actually a huge fan of what objective exploration has to offer, but if that is ONLY what is happening, than the living mystery is considered an object which has no life or change.

-         Jesus was a human who understood his connection with god, the wisdom of the East, the wisdom of our Universal Nature, and introduced this through experimentation with the Western mindset

-         Our sciences have realized that communication with other spaces in the Universe is possible, but not with the technology that we currently use.  There are spectrums of information that are outside of that which we know as absolute in our sciences.  This does not say, “Our sciences are wrong”, but rather limited in our current understanding.

-         Synchronistic experiences happen in the unfolding or our personal evolutionary journey – I share this all the time as it is a part of my everyday life – But he shared a really cool story about a fellow’s life.

-         One of the greatest healings that we can do right now is owning our projections.  Meaning that the things we deny in ourselves, we project at others.  This could be negative or positive things – Owning our projections creates space.

-         There are many pathways that we take on our personal journeys, and each one has different gifts and challenges.  As we open to this understanding, it is much easier to understand (or let go of) the choices of others.

I am sure that there is more, but these conversations were incredibly healing, informative and special to me.

The drive itself was great, we made it in about 17 hours, and the gas cost us each 70 dollars.  This was definitely a great economical and social choice!

And now, here I am in Whitby, Ontario with dear friend Steffi.  I will write another blog as I get on the bus to Calgary!

Love

Canadian Adventure Blog! Part 1: Explaination and Intention

This is my first post about this adventure, so I am going to give a little background:

About 3 weeks ago I was sitting at home, and suddenly I felt a strong urge in my heart to go to British Columbia – Like nearly every vision/mystical direction I have experienced, at first I was like, “Why?”

Those answers as to “why” rarely come, and if I believe the “why” thought, I rarely have the motivation to do anything – I cut off the adventure before it even starts.

The thing about the question of “why” in regards to the future of an adventure, is that if I knew why, it really wouldn’t be an adventure – At least the way I look at adventure.

To me, an adventure is the ability to let go of expectations about what I am about to experience and pre-conceptions of what I hope to “get out of it”.  This is not to say that I did not set an intention however, I have just learned that there is no way to find out how something will unfold before it happens.

My intention is to rise to new vibrational heights!  And at the same time, not linearly, but simultaneously grounding myself in my human form.  To be a walking, living bridge between Heaven and Earth.

In my life so far, I have either been really great at being human (socializing, fulfilling desires, supporting myself financially, time based reality) OR really good at being spirit (my relationship with god, detaching from desires, faith based support, timeless eternal reality).

This adventure for me, represents the bridging of these seemingly two parts of myself, as One.  The Yin (spirit, female, receptivity) and the Yang (human, male, forward force).

Duality is the separation and implied conflict of seeming opposites.

Non-Duality is KNOWING the opposites so deeply, that they are realized as One.  There is a certain health, peace and wholeness to come from this very practical, experiential realization.

To be living in duality(time), with a non-dual perspective(timelessness) is what is being called, “Multi-Dimensional” Reality.  There is a non-attached understanding, while still being absolutely free to be attached.  Those two states indeed, do not need to oppose one another, but rather dance together as the knowable, and the unknowable.

I am in the midst of writing a book and guide as to what this means, and how to move into that state of cosmic consciousness – For now, I will be blogging as I experience, learn and grow.

The word “Multi-Dimensional” comes with a slew of ideas and concepts.  I would highly recommend letting go of those now.  The ideas about multi-dimensions actually restrict us from experiencing this.

An idea about some-thing must exist in time.  The idea comes from what we already know, and projects what that must be like.

This is not an attack on ideas however, simply putting them into a larger perspective.

An idea-less space is the space of no-thing, and is the vehicle into Self.

From here on – I will refer to “self” as our personal perspective in time, and “Self” as the eternal perspective of timelessness.

If one feels like pushing the agenda of Self onto anyone, it is important to remember that that is not Self.

Self is the agenda-less state, self is the state of agenda.

In healthy combination and balance, alchemy occurs, and reality shifts to meet this new combination.

This is an ever-lasting, ever-changing, LIVING experience.  The Living Reality is allowed to change based on our connection as Self, and our intention with self.

So, this is the “beginning” of this trip – Enjoy the reading as I will enjoy the ride!