Internal Confusion About Love!

I would love to write about the actual experiences I am having with people here, because there have been some intense exchanges of truth and understanding with many people already.  But I have to admit though; this has been quite a challenging time in my life since I left.

When I first started writing this blog I had assumed that it would be all light – Truth be told, that is never the way life has been.

A mature understanding about reality is that it is our challenges that allow us to grow – And in this case, I feel that what is happening is that masks and projections about what is real are coming off, and what is revealed is incredibly sensitive and human experience.

Before leaving, I had been in relationship with Lauren for a year.  We decided that because I was going away for an undetermined amount of time that we would call things off, leaving them open.

Intellectually this seemed completely reasonable, but in practicality...

I have been in very intense states of missing her, her presence, and our experiences together…

We spent what seemed like days in what can only be described as a childlike state, a state where there was nothing to be defended, and pure experience without expectation underneath.

Living in “Silence” – not being quiet in a literal sense, but living in quiet mind together.

In that space of quiet mind, a completely different type of communication starts to happen.  There is nothing to defend or try to impress one another with.  A psychic sense opens up that is often obscured by our wishes to please one another, or get something from one another.

The type of communication that starts to happen is a full body expression – From the highest form of spirit to the lowest form of earth.  In this description though, high and low are not good and bad.  In spiritual maturity it is shown that all spectrums could not exist without each other.

The “lower vibrations” are actually the reason we are here on earth – To experience ourselves as separate beings.  One who is whole, becoming whole, or healing realizes is that we are completely separate entities, and also the highest form of One expression.

Those concepts may seem like they go against one another, but stepping out of concepts and into experience, there is a concert that cannot be captured, only lived in its fullest.

So the meat of this message is that I am experiencing a lot of grieving, and a lot of healing about what it means to be in relationship.  A perspective is being born which moves beyond any "idea" that I had about what relationship is.  Personal evolution...

As we have all experienced at one time or another – After taking a step back from an experience, it is usually then that we have a clear view on what it really was, and in turn is.

This all reminds me of the endless poems, plays, and romance novels which had not made much sense to me… as I open up my heart they do, and I feel like I am becoming more and more real.

I will write about all of the other experiences I am having soon – Many cosmic conversations and encouragement for the book I am writing, and global healing…

It is just so important to honor this intensity that I am feeling – And to not only write about the “good” things – A multi-dimensional being is one who experiences all of the spectrum without denial – And quite frankly, my heart is a hurtin!!

When reading this, if you wish to say, “don’t worry it will be okay” that is a lovely intention – But please realize that that is not what I am looking for.  To experience is divine, and the maturity of a spiritual quest is to be able to experience without denial – This is peace.

Love!