I am going to start this post with the most authentic truth I can conjure. I am really scared of writing.
Writing is what I want to do for a living. And I feel so passionate about expressing Who I Am, and What I Do through the written word. But I have some thing inside of me that is absolutely afraid of my own success. I know that what I put my focus on grows at an exponential rate, and that what I invest in will always be successful – If not to anyone else by to myself.
So hitch hiking to Ontario is really symbolic of doing anything in life. There is a risk involved in taking a leap in the unknown, an excitement! With that though, there is a feeling of doubt and fear of not being able to complete the adventure. On a level of mind, success implies the option of failure and creates projections of scenarios where it doesn’t work out.
This piece of writing is now the adventure, and the experience last week is finished – So here it goes
=D
Last year before I went to India, my dear friend Stephanie came to Halifax and gave me a dear farewell – When she left the house I could tell that her wishes for my successful adventure had an inspirational impact – So now, I was going to do the same before she heads off on a 5 month adventure to India!
It was really funny, when I mentioned to people that I was going to hitch hike to Ontario, I very clearly hit the fear button on a lot of people. If not fear for my life, the energy of “It’s going to be hard and take a long time” came out. What was happening was not that friends wished that I couldn’t make it, but they lovingly were reflecting the fear and doubt that I had within. I believe that this world works as a mirror for consciousness – Meaning that whatever is being presented to me in the moment, is a reflection of a part of my self.
So if someone is supportive, they are reflecting the part of my inner world that supports – If someone is downright angry, they are reflecting the part of my inner world that is confused.
May I firstly say, that I do not recommend anyone else live the way that I do. This is the way that my brain is wired right now. But this is not a message of morality. This is not to imply that “everyone” should be acting from this space of Oneness, it is just what enthralls me. Maybe tomorrow I will have dropped the entire thing, but right now, this is what I am doing!
So when someone is fearful for me, what I am learning to do experientially (Meaning not only as a mental response of concept, but very physically) is feel that fear, release that fear in my body system through physically evoking –Presence- And then moving on immediately into aiming directly for my goal (If there is one) without distraction of doubt. My goal this time was that I was to make it to Steph’s place by Friday evening (Having left Thursday morning), specifically by 10pm.
This is a lot of explaining before we start the adventure… But I don’t feel we can move on without an understanding of –Presence-, as it was such an important part of this trip.
Presence to me means being so fully in the present moment, that there is an experiential movement from the level of the thinking mind, into the space that the thinking mind comes from. This starts (For me) very physically, by accessing a feeling throughout the entire body (inside and out), of energy moving and flowing from head to toe, and everywhere in between and around. I believe that some martial artists would call this “chi” – I do not have many labels for the experience, because it is not something that can be explained with words. As words come from the same space that the thinking mind comes from. Everything does, as it is the source of all life in the Universe.
So when I am living in Presence, I am living as the source of my own life. Meaning that nothing from the outside is to provide my happiness or suffering. Rather, I am allowing these experiences to come through me. It does imply control. And on one level this is true, but on another level it could not be further from the truth. I am giving up the absolute mental control of expectation – While simultaneously aiming directly for what I want – And simultaneously acknowledging fully -What Is- as it is, without manipulation of what “Should be” – Kinda sounds like a magic trick doesn’t it??? Haha
I am not always living in Presence, and yet it is my “Life’s Purpose” if you will, to drop the game of “should, shouldn’t, hope, wish, good, bad” and to live in this state in absolute faith. Is this everyone’s life purpose? Fucked if I know! Again, this is not a preaching of morality – But is an experimentation…
In fact, what I “believe” Earth is – Is a space of experimentation. I feel that we as humans are here to explore and experiment with our selves and with the consciousness of the Universe. The way children would explore the woods, or each other – Except as a lifelong endeavor. I do not take this place to be serious – I do not feel that we are a bad race of species or a good race of species – I do not feel that we are to do better, or to do worse – And I do not believe that we are bad for this planet, or good for it – That we are special or not special – We simply are as we are, and are doing what we are doing.
There would be many very conflicting reports, belief systems, and perceptions, which would state that I am talking bullshit, that we are a plague on this Earth, and that the planet may be doomed by our very presence. Or that life is meant to be hard and painful, that we do not deserve to live in peace or to do what we are passionate doing. If you reading this and feel that way… You are right! Do not believe what I believe because I have said so. Doing so would be the most obtrusive assault on your personal truth imaginable. Without the direct experience of whatever it is you consider truth (Which to me is experimentally living in presence and peace) we may as well be speaking two different languages. And if mine doesn’t jive with yours, no problem! Continue on your adventure and release what you are reading here.
Lets sum it up one more time before we start.
On this adventure, I went in with the mindset that:
We are all One, and everything we experience is a reflection of our inner world.
It is possible, even in bizarre situations, to access a state of peace (or Presence) and the implied forgiveness that goes with that.
In this state of peace without mental conditions, we are the source of our own lives without the outside world creating happiness or suffering (That lasts).
Fear and doubt are grand teachers of our inner power to be creators.
Life is a non-serious, experimental arena or play.
There is no One truth for all people, and paradoxically this is One truth.
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